Dear (NAME-WITHELD),
It is now 12:46 at night, October 20, 2006, and I’m sitting in front of my laptop, thinking about where I have gone wrong in my life. For some reason, I feel as though you are the closest thing to a brother that I’ll ever have. After watching (TV SHOW WITH HELD), I learned more about you as a person … your dedication to Islam, the love you have for your family, your intelligence, honesty, loyalty, humor …the list could go on. And I have not yet had the privilege to meet you personally.
I too am a Muslim. I grew up in a big family as well. And I was born from the United States , but my parents were born from Iraq . Similar to you in someway, but also different by many aspects. My friends and relatives see me as the funny guy who is always optimistic. But what they see is only an act. They don’t see how truly miserable I feel in side. Sadly, a day doesn’t go by where I don’t think about my past life experiences. I’m not one to cry, but lately, I cry almost everyday in the privacy of my room, thinking about how much I have done wrong in my life. At times, I contemplate suicidal thoughts just so I could end my life of it’s problems, but that is way too haraam (Arabic for wrong), and would never even do such a thing. I fear death, but hell and Allah (God) even more.
Before I continue, I want you to witness these things I have experienced during my life so that you can understand the problem I am having:
When I was in elementary school, my mom always told me to do good in school so that I can succeed in the future as a doctor and represent the family name. As a kid though, I barely socialized with other kids around my own age group because I was very quiet. From Kindergarten to third grade, I was just a normal kid without any problems. However, in the fourth grade though, my first problem began. I began to have a crush on this girl that was in my class. At the time, I knew it was wrong to have a girlfriend, and I didn’t intend to have one either. My parents already had explained to me the fundamentals of Islam. But everyday, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was only ten years old too! What the heck? But because I had always watched movies with kids in situations like mine, it influenced me to step up my game. One day, I decided to tell the girl I like her. I walked up to her during lunch and spoke to her about how I felt. So the girl basically rejected me in the worst possible way. She told almost everyone what I had done and told me she didn’t like me. Word got around about this very quickly. I was only a kid, so this rejection hurt. But not only did this bother me, but the fact that I went against what my parents told me about Islam. I recall being so upset at this time, not knowing what to do or who to turn to. I spoke to nobody. I thought I was going to hell. Eventually though, I began to get over it. But rest assured that I never told another girl about my feelings.
So by the time I was in fifth grade, I was still a little insecure about why that girl rejected me. I began to feel hated and disliked sometimes and so I outcasted my self from socializing with my classmates at lunchtime. This became a bad habit. In a matter of time, people began to talk insult me for no reason, cussing at me, and even saying words such as “fag”, “homo”, “gay”… I didn’t even know what that was or why they called me that. Also, as me and my brothers got into fights, my brothers would say those words (and other cuss words) too even though they didn’t mean it literally… they were just angry. Somehow, I found out what those words meant and was disgusted. These insults – they kind of stab you man. I mean, you go from being an average person to being disliked, then insulted, and hated. What kind of childhood is this. Where’d that come from? …this sort of continued until I was in the eighth grade even though I was very popular in middle school and had a lot of friends. (They still had those people who I didn’t get along with.) Yeah I got into fights, but that’s normal where I live. But back to my point…this stuff starts to get to you after a while though… You know how they say if you constantly keep telling a person they’re mental, they will begin to believe they’re mental? Or for example, if you call a person stupid… they might grow up thinking stupid. Well as I grew up, I began to think that something was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand why so many people insulted me the way the did.
More problems…
…while doing a project for History Class in eigth grade, I decided to use the internet as my source of research. It was about “African Americans,” so stupid me, thinking I’d be able to find quick results by just entering “Blacks” into my internet browser ended up with a thousand popups of pornography! I don’t want to describe to you what I had seen as that would be impolite… and even if not so, it is too embarrassing and nasty to describe. My point is, is that I got curious and started looking at bad bad pictures of naked people. But because stupid me became adjusted to thinking I was “gay,” started looking at gay pornography on the internet out of curiosity. This was around the age of puberty so it became an uncontrollable addiction, even though I knew I had the urge to stop it.
The addiction continued until eleventh grade. Here I am today, a college study studying to be a doctor like my mother wanted me to. What I have just described to you is the problem I am having. I want to get married and have children, and marry a beautiful girl. But I’m afraid, and don’t know if it’s even possible. The pressure to get married is becoming even more demanding everyday. I want to change so badly, and would do anything to correct my past so that I can make this possible.
When I look around me …my family, relatives, and people I have known – all dream of knowing what the future holds for them – but for me, it’s the most fearful thing to know. My family could outcast me and I would be the talk of the town If everyone thinks I’m homo. All the dignity and respect my family has upheld will be ruined. I would rather die than leave my family with this much misery and embarrassment.
I do not want to be a homosexual but it’s a disgusting habit that has taken over me. Just as any man or woman is attracted to the opposite sex, it’s very hard or unlikely for them to oppose those feelings. However, I’m different. I never really accepted mine in the first place. They are just here, stuck with me, and now I’m trying to change.
Hopefully as you read this letter, and understand what I’m going through. You’re advice can determine more than you can imagine. My future will be impacted by what you have to say – good or bad. You’re the only person I feel I can turn to.
Inshallah the best for you and your family,
(Name withheld)

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Well after I had been raped. I will admit I wasn’t stable and this guy got a crush on me. I was lonely and felt hated most of the time. But I was a bit hesitant since I didn’t trust people that completely. I even went as far to say that I didn’t believe in love. But he insisted and made me believe in it. He would tell me he loved me and hold my hand. He would constantly want to do things with me. I loved the attention and besides I had never been with a guy that had cared about me like that. So our parents esp. my father got in the way of our relationship. He made me break up with him basically. All I really said was that I needed time away. I even shared a class with him. He never really approached me or talked to me. I felt sad. I felt like he didn’t care.Plus I have to deal with my abusive family situation at home (Father abuses me). Then this other guy in my class started talking to me. He started following me after class and wanting to hang out with me. So I did. He told me he was sorry about what happened to me and the guy and he was a real asshole to me. (There was times when he would get unreasonably angry and give me the silent treatment and once he even deletedd me from Facebook) After all that I still talked to him. So anyways, once he saw me and the other guy together and he just smiled. I felt really bad and told him I wanted to hang out. But he was always busy. I even texted him while I was with the other guy. He just said that he couldn’t listen to anything I said while I was with him (I kinda jokingly said we should have a threesome)..LOL. Anyways later on I asked him to go out with me and he said sure. Ok so around the time of the date he saw me and the other dude and he looked pissed. I told him we were just friends but I dont think he understands. Oh there was another encounter we had before this. I was really depressed because of my home and sexual past and then he came up to me and asked me if I would smoke pot with him (he has a pit addiction) I didn’t want to and something told me to say no. I standed up for myself and said no but I still followed him because I really liked him! Basically he locked me in and I tried to talk him out of it but he would not listen. SO i shouted “I LOVE SEX” “Sex is my addiction, you should get that addiction” and hes all like oh so If I drive us to an abandoned lot will you have sex with me. Being uneasy about sex as I was raped I said “maybe.” I feel stupid now because I wish I would have said yes. So he said he was going to smoke anyway and then I had to get up and leave. When I got back in the school I asked him what the hell was wrong with him and hes all like yeah I have an addiction. Now about all the times I have asked him to hang out: Something always happens or he always gets caught up doing something else. I also mistakenly thought he was spreading rumors about me and I told him I was sorry. But now its summer and I still love him and all he will text me back is “stop playin’ games” or “stop playing games” I wish he knew how much I loved him but he doesn’t believe me. I basically texted him telling him I was going to jump off a cliff and I guess my blood and tears mean nothing to him. He has deleted me from Facebook and probably off my phone (I wouldnt know though cause my parents took my phone) And I have been super depressed laying in bed for a week crying. My friends are trying to contact him now and tell him to talk to me at least or say that hes not interested instead of saying we will talk and then we never do. I can’t hold on much longer!!! I think my life is over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…
Thanks for listening!

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My video game addiction. I started playing Civilization: Revolution, it’s a game like Risk. How long you play depends on how many cities you take over, researching, wars, etc. I’m on the year 2074 A.D. as of tonight, so hopefully I’ll …

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I am addicted to porn on the Internet but yet I am totally impotent toward women in real life. Generally in society, people just seem to want to have sex, no fun, no games, no fetishes, no foreplay, just get straight down and do it.
Maybe it’s a British thing I don’t know but they seem to take sex far too seriously, and theres too much social stigma attached to it that they make it harder for themselves to enjoy.
As Ive said Im impotent because Im depressed I could get a gf if I tried but I don’t bother because I know simply having sex would not satisfy me. So basically I blank out any sexual advances toward me or don’t see them coming at all.
The question is, is there and medical treatment for my impotency and cure for my Internet porn addiction?

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*Perilous Times and Decaying Morality
Prostitution in Britain: The sordid society*
By David Harrison, Sunday Telegraph
Last Updated: 2:36am GMT 18/12/2006
The killings in Ipswich have shone a dismal light on the extent of
prostitution in Britain today. The figures are horrifying: more than
100,000 girls working in brothels, massage parlours and on the streets,
while the number of men using their services, particularly in younger
age groups, has doubled. As David Harrison reports, the stark truth
behind the sex trade is abuse, violence, exploitation and addiction
The Evening Star in Ipswich summed it up succinctly: “Things like this
are not supposed to happen in our part of the world.” Serial killers are
meant to strike in big, edgy cities, not in an unassuming agricultural
town whose last claim to national fame was the fleeting success of the
local football team 25 years ago.
The murders of the five prostitutes have shone a disturbing light on
Britain’s dark underbelly, a seedy world of desperate, drug-addicted
women who sell their bodies for their, or their pimps’, next fix of
heroin or crack cocaine. And they have highlighted an explosion in the
availability of – and demand for – “sexual services” in 21st-century
Britain.
If it goes on in Ipswich, with a population of 140,000, number 38 on the
list of Britain’s biggest urban centres, then, you might think, it must
be happening everywhere. You would be right. There are an estimated
30,000 street prostitutes in Britain, and police and drugs charities say
they can be found in every city and town. “Where there are hard drugs,
there are pimps and street prostitutes, and there are hard drugs all
over the country,” says a senior Scotland Yard officer.
Ninety-five per cent of street girls are addicted to drugs or alcohol or
both, according to the Home Office. Most have been violently or sexually
abused as children and groomed for prostitution by boyfriends, members
of their own families or predatory pimps they meet when they run away
from their miserable homes.
The drugs come early too: most are offered heroin by their abusers (many
of whom are also addicts) in their early teens. Once hooked, the girls
have a choice: steal, deal, or go on to the streets to make money to
feed their habit and pay their pimps. For some, the forced prostitution
comes first but the drugs always follow. “On the game, they call it,”
said one outreach worker. “But this is certainly no game.”
The girls are usually “launched” as streetwalkers at about the age of
14, though some are as young as 12, says Wendy Shepherd who runs a
Barnardo’s project in Middlesbrough. Some will already have been abused
by family members and “hired out” to paedophile friends from the age of
eight.
Street prostitution is highly dangerous. The girls have to make instant
judgments about complete strangers before deciding whether to get into
their cars. The craving for drugs drives them to take enormous risks.
About 90 prostitutes are known to have been murdered in England and
Wales in the past decade but the real figure is almost certainly much
higher. Street girls are easy prey for violent psychopaths because
anonymity is part of the commercial pact and the girls’ disconnected
lives mean they can go missing for days, even weeks, before anybody notices.
Murder is a risk prostitutes face, but violent assault is almost a
guaranteed part of their lives. More than half of all UK prostitutes
have been raped or seriously sexually assaulted, and three-quarters have
been physically attacked, according to government research. The figures
for streetwalkers are even higher. “Nearly every woman I have dealt with
has suffered some form of abuse from punters,” says Ms Shepherd. “I’ve
dealt with girls who have been punched, kicked, raped, kidnapped and
dumped on the motorway. It’s a grim, seedy life.” A study by The British
Journal of Psychiatry found that nearly seven out of 10 prostitutes met
the criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder, the same as victims of
torture and war veterans undergoing treatment.
The street girls are the most desperate and vulnerable “workers” in
Britain’s expanding sex industry. In 2004 the number of prostitutes in
the UK was officially estimated at 80,000 but the real figure has
increased significantly since then and is now believed to be over
100,000. The rise has been fuelled by an influx of thousands of women
from eastern Europe, most of them trafficked into this country and
forced into sexual slavery. Brothels, thinly disguised as “massage
parlours” and “saunas”, have sprouted up in even the smallest market
towns, while a bewildering array of sexual services, as prostitution is
euphemistically known, is offered on the internet.
Demand, almost entirely from men, has risen sharply too. There are male
prostitutes and “escorts” who cater for female clients, but the
overwhelming majority of punters are male. A typical male user of street
girls is white, often middle class, in his 30s or 40s, frequently
married with children, and in search of anonymous and untraceable
encounters, according to a study by researchers at Sunderland
university. The punters come from all walks of life. “You get factory
workers and labourers but also doctors, judges, policemen — and they can
all be violent,” says Ms Shepherd.
n a recent survey of 11,000 men, the British Medical Association found
that the proportion of men who have had sex with prostitutes has nearly
doubled in 10 years from just under one in 20 of the male population to
one in 10, with single university graduates more likely to have paid for
sex than married men and non-graduates.
The figures reflect a recent trend for younger men, in their late teens
and twenties, to use prostitutes, albeit mainly those in massage
parlours and other brothels rather than street girls. “Sex without
strings” is seen as part of their night’s entertainment. Diana Marshall,
who runs the Poppy Project in south London, Britain’s only
government-funded refuge for trafficked women, blames society’s
“normalisation” of the sex industry.
“It used to be taboo to go with a prostitute, something to be done
furtively, something that brought shame if you were found out,” she
said. “But now it has become something to do on a stag night or a night
out with the boys. It’s considered a bit of a laugh to go to a
lap-dancing club or a brothel and pay for sex.”
Other indicators, she says, include the rapid spread of lap-dancing
clubs, “lads’ mags”, internet pornography and “punters’ websites” on
which hundreds of prostitutes are “reviewed” in graphic detail in the
manner of a mock theatre or restaurant review. “It’s disgraceful that
this has been allowed to happen,” says Ms Marshall. “This is basically
society saying it’s okay to exploit women in the 21st century.”
Pole-dancing is a sensitive topic. “It is inextricably linked to
prostitution and the exploitation of women,” she says. The BBC scrapped
plans for a programme called Strictly Come Pole-Dancing in July after
objections from women’s groups, and Ms Marshall complained
unsuccessfully to Tesco when the supermarket chain began selling a
“pole-dancing kit”, complete with pole and fake dollars to put into the
dancer’s garter. Tesco says it is for “people who want to improve their
fitness”.
No woman chooses to be a prostitute, the charities say, least of all a
streetwalker, and there is always coercion. The world’s oldest
profession is really the world’s oldest oppression. “A job in which drug
addiction, homelessness, rape and murder are occupational hazards is
hardly a career choice,” says a spokesman for Women for Justice. The
reality is a brutally far cry from the romantic film Pretty Woman, in
which Julia Roberts plays an implausibly beautiful street hooker
“rescued” by a millionaire businessman played by Richard Gere.
Most groups say more must be done to target the men who use prostitutes.
They want the law to be changed to make it a criminal offence to use a
prostitute - though not to be a prostitute — a reform that in Sweden has
helped to cut the number of street girls by two-thirds. British police
carry out occasional undercover operations to arrest kerb-crawlers but
admit they have limited resources and “competing priorities”.
This situation is not helped by the UK’s muddled laws. Prostitution is
not illegal but soliciting for purposes of prostitution, keeping a
brothel and kerb-crawling are. Prostitutes fined for soliciting simply
return to the streets to make money to pay the fine, while still, of
course, having to feed drug habits costing hundreds of pounds a week. As
a result, they will take even more risks. A woman can “work” from home
or visit a client in a hotel room, but a flat or house where two or more
women are so working is deemed an illegal brothel. In a review published
last January, the Government announced its intention to allow up to
three women or men (two prostitutes and a “maid”) to work in
“mini-brothels” to give them better protection, though the plan has met
with fierce opposition and there is no sign of it being implemented.
Ministers are more likely to push through a less controversial proposal
to send kerb-crawlers on “education courses” rather than fine them up to
£1,000 as at present.
The search for solutions has produced bitter divisions between advocates
of “zero-tolerance” and supporters of “tolerance zones”, similar to
those in Continental cities such as Amsterdam. Middlesbrough has led the
way with a “zero-tolerance” approach allied to attempts to get
prostitutes into drug rehabilitation. The scheme has reduced the number
of girls on the streets from 250 (including 14-year-olds) in 1999, to
about 15 today, and there has not been a murder of a prostitute for
three years.
Opponents say that zero-tolerance simply displaces women to neighbouring
towns. Bolton has taken the opposite view and has created a de facto
tolerance zone between 7pm and 7am, when prostitutes are given condoms,
clean needles and advice on getting off drugs. Officials say the scheme
has helped some women to leave the trade. Brian Iddon, the MP for Bolton
South East and chairman of the parliamentary Misuse of Drugs group, said
the women should be given free drugs to get them off the streets and, in
the meantime, brothels should be legalised. “Criminalising these women
will drive them underground and make them even more desperate,” he says.
The Association of Chief Police Officers recognises prostitutes as
“victims” but is opposed to “decriminalisation” and “tolerance zones”.
Ann Lucas, the chairman of the Local Government Association’s
prostitution task group, said: “We don’t tolerate murder or paedophilia.
As a local authority we don’t want to manage prostitution. We want to
eradicate it.”
A growing body of doctors, drugs charities, social workers and some
senior police officers, however, agrees with Dr Iddon and wants all
addicts to be given hard drugs free on prescription. A “maintenance
dose” taken under supervision, along with counselling and safe houses,
would help addicts start to lead a normal life and, they say, wipe out
much of the crime linked to hard drugs. Such a radical initiative would
cost much more than the £597 million the Government has allocated for
drug treatment this year but proponents say the extra funding would be
more than recovered in savings made by the criminal justice system as
the drug-related crime rate tumbled.
For some there is a more immediate solution: keep men off the streets.
“It makes me furious that the police are telling women to stay in
because of what happened in Ipswich,” says Diane Marshall. “Women are
not the problem. It’s men who should be under curfew.”

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Video game addiction, or more broadly video game overuse, is excessive and/or compulsive use of computer and video games that interferes with daily life. Reports have been made in which teens play compulsively, isolating themselves from …

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Feb
04

FSCW Ferocity Episode 3 [3/6]

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Lardo and Travis attempt to make friends with Thaddeus and Cyril mccoy.

http://www.youtube.com/v/mfSME7TBQ-Y?f=videos&app=youtube_gdata

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Since I was very young I never had a lot of friends. I was bullied since I was very little and people had fun humiliating me because I never reacted. My step-father (mother’s husband) had mental problems and would beat me up for no reason whenever he forgot to take his medications (which happened several times a year). I always felt rejected everywhere and I think I partially hate my step father. I won’t go into deep details but I really feel I did NOT deserve many things he did to me (he told me he was sorry and felt bad about it, that it was not his fault, etc… but I can’t keep myself from being completely angry whenever I think about him).
I always had an addictive personality. From the moment I got my very first video games (on the Sega Genesis in 1997), I got hooked to things behind a screen. I often spent days playing it and when I got access to the internet a few years ago, I spent hours playing flash games. Afterwards, I got addicted to a role playing card game (Magic the Gathering) and I played it nearly every days for about 3 years. This was not as bad since it gave me some social interactions as well as real life friends but I stopped playing when the local card shop clossed. Afterwards, I got addicted to various online games (mostly role playing games). In 10th grade, I bought the game known as World of Warcraft. I played that game a ridiculous amount of hours. I would usually play from 2.30pm (when I got back from school) until 10.30pm (my parents asked me to close my computer at 10.30 during school days). Once my parents were asleep, I would usually try to play a few extra hours. During week ends, I played until I was completely exhausted (that was usually after 20-30 consecutive hours of gaming, I would then sleep 4-5 hours and play until exhaustion once again). During holidays, I could easily play that game up to 140 hours a week and I often played up to 90+ hours on school weeks. Again, I won’t go into details but the game had a very competitive system that rewarded the players that played the most and I wanted to be one of them in order to get those rewards (high quality in-game items). Long story short; I got my account hacked, I bought the game once again, I played even more, I got my 2nd account hacked, I played strangers’ accounts for free (I have no idea why I was doing this. Since the accounts were not mine I would not keep any of the rewards I managed to get during the time I played) and then quit the game. I then got addicted to various online forums and I spent most of my 11th grade reading these forums and posting on them for about 8h a day. By the way, I didn’t listed all the addictions I failed for, these are the ones I can clearly remember but there were many more (most of them were related to computers).
After finishing my 11th grade, I moved with my real father out of Canada. I am currently doing my 12th grade in an American high school. My new addiction is now Facebook games and random nerds forums. I have 6 Facebook accounts and I usually spend over 6h a day playing role playing games on all my accounts in order to create in-game money (with no real-life value) and I send the money to my main account. I also use my additional accounts to level up my main character (the more you play, the more levels your character gets; if you have 6 accounts you can level up 6x faster). There is also a Facebook application called “Friends for Sale” where you can “buy” other people using an online currency and other people can see who you bought. I also use my 6 accounts in order to create more online currency in that game and then I buy expensive people. During the other hours, I usually go on forums such as www.4chan.org (mostly made up of nerds like me) and discuss about funny things with anonymous people.
I recently got a conditional offer of admission from the College I wish to attend. This College have been my goal for a couple of months and I was extremely happy to receive a conditional offer from them. My results are way under what their typical students usually achieve but I had an interview there and I think they liked me. If I don’t meet their conditions, their offer of admission will be cancelled and that would probably be the most horrible deception of my life. In order to get in, I need to get a really high grade (5) on a Calculus AP exam and a high grade (4) on a European History exam. Both my math and my history teacher told me I will have to work very hard in order to achieve that goal. I know I can get this result but it is very hard for me to study or do homeworks for more than 15 consecutive minutes and I constantly feel the need to go on the internet. When I am at school, I always think about how long I have to wait until I can get on the internet. I feel bad whenever I am away from a computer with the internet and this is completely ruining my life. I nearly failed my 9th, 10th and 11th grade because of this bad habit and now I might not get in this College.

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Computer Addiction Diagnoses?
I saw this one guy & he was like totally addicted to the internet he got 2 hrs of sleep. He kept on drinking/using pills to make him awake. I was so fraked out! It was really sad , he gave up family time/ his education to sit and use the computer so he can finish World War Games~ something along those lines. So this guy is in treatment. weird huh?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa0L9Bhhw…

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